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Fake News

JBE's drummer Dan starts feud with "Effite" pop star Moby

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

This past weekend on NPR's popular quiz show, "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me ", electronic artist and music star Moby said that one thing he learned from his public feud with the rapper Eminem was not to make enemies with popular music stars whose fans have guns. Moby said that if ever he would start a rivalry again, it would be with an unknown rock band's drummer. "Oh yeah?" says Dan Cantor, drummer, pacifist from the widely unknown, globally obscure unpop band Jim's Big Ego. "Well, I don't think you can HANDLE a rivalry [...] read more

Jim's Big Ego to require Loyalty Oath for entrance to shows.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

In an attempt to run their band in a more American and patriotic fashion, Jim's Big Ego will be requiring anyone who seeks entrance to their shows to sign a lifetime oath of loyalty to the band. A notary public will be on hand at the entrance to all of their clubs with a retinal scanner, fingerprint kit and a contract to sign. Attendees should bring a current passport, drivers license, birth certificate and if they are a home owner, the deed to their house. "We were inspired by the Bush Cheney tour," article1 article2 [...] read more

JIM'S BIG EGO OUTSOURCES EXECUTIVE JOBS OVERSEAS

Friday, March 19, 2004

When asked why BIGEGO Enterprises, a privately held company, would choose to outsource executives instead of their lower paying work force, Jim Infantino replied: "When we looked at the numbers, it was a no brainer. I mean, our average upper level executive earns like 5,000 times that of our average worker - god knows how THOSE poor bastards survive. So - it just made so much more sense to replace our executives rather than their underlings. I mean - if you shop around overseas, you can get a really really smart chap to do the job of your basic high-level [...] read more

JIM'S BIG EGO GETS ASS KICKED BY SATAN, CLAIMS VICTORY ANYWAY

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

What makes the band's achievement all the more impressive is that their victory was claimed in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. By all rights and measures, Satan has thoroughly trounced Jim's Big Ego and made the band his bee-atch.  The band has been raked over coals, dipped in oil, experienced multiple evisarations, and been given a nasty papercut--and those things can smart.  The Devil then pounded the band members' bodies into a pulpy play-doh like subtance and molded them into a pair of giant thong underwear which he then wore to a yoga class.  But being [...] read more

Jim's Big Ego Launches Full Scale Attack on Satan

Tuesday, April 1, 2003

The operation officially began earlier this week in an unspecified ethereal plane beyond our realm of existence.  This is the first military action for the Boston-based UnPop trio that is more widely known for its infectious songs and smart lyrics than for battling evil. "Although," as lead singer-songwriter Jim Infantino explains, its not really as much of a deviation from our past work as you would think. Jims Big Ego has always been anti-Satan even though this may be the first time we've ever tried to engage him directly in battle. Chiming in his support, drummer Dan Cantor added, "Satan [...] read more

JIM'S BIG EGO FEELS THE FORCE, BUT CAN'T CONTROL IT

Monday, January 20, 2003

Sure, Lucas can't write dialogue or direct actors, but really, what does that have to do with movie-making?  And come on, who needs attention to detail when you've got freakin? Jedis running around with freakin? lightsabers?  They're more elegant than blasters, dammit!To their credit, Jim's Big Ego did take some of their publicist's words to heart.  The band sat down to re-watch The Empire Strikes Back, easily the best Star Wars movie.  And man, was it good.  Watching it over and over again, they started to really get into all the Yoda scenes.  "When they first got the tape, [...] read more

JIM'S BIG EGO LOWERS CHOLESTEROL

Saturday, January 11, 2003

A lot of people might be wondering why Jim's Big Ego suddenly cares so much about their cholesterol.  We don't mind, it's natural for normal people to hold such a healthy band in awe.  Oddly enough, as Jim Infantino, lead singer/songwriter and of a very healthy band explains, the idea first came about from that tv commercial.  Y'know, the one where they guy's walking around talking about how he's lowered his cholesterol?  Man, that commercial's annoying, isn't it?  Not as annoying as that 'can you hear me now' asshole, but still pretty annoying.  The band was sitting around *censored*ing [...] read more

JIM'S BIG EGO GETS IT ON, AWWW YEAH

Friday, January 10, 2003

'Cause Jim's Big Ego is in touch with their sentimental side.  And they wrote this song just so some people would understand how tender and caring Jim's Big Ego can be.  But then, check it out, last night there are these three incredible looking chicks in the front row.  Like, they're all over it, y'know?  And they're giving the band one of those looks.  You know the kind look I'm talking about, right?  The kind that says "if you want it, come and get it."  And believe you me, my friend, Jim's Big Ego wanted it.  But for some [...] read more

JIM'S BIG EGO SAYS "NO" TO DRUGS

Friday, January 10, 2003

But still, even though this guy shoots up a lot (and we mean A LOT) he still says "no" to the drugs first every time he takes them.  Like right after he cooks them up and before he shoots it in, he looks down at the needle and says "no."  And that's commitment.  Sure, it's misplaced and he doesn't really understand what we mean by "say 'no' to drugs," but you've gotta admit that he certainly keeps to the letter of the law, as it were.  And it's tough to blame him, because every time we tried to explain [...] read more

JIM'S BIG EGO WAITS 4 HOURS FOR CABLE

Friday, January 10, 2003

And then do you know when the guy finally showed up? Go ahead, take a guess. 5:58PM. Just two minutes early! I mean, at least if the guy showed up after 6 then they would've had the installation for free, but nothey didn't. - Cause of just two minutes. What the *censored* is that?!? All right so it doesn't sound that bad, but let me explain. Jim's Big Ego is a busy band, right? They've got shows and tours and stuff, and they had to take time off special, just to sit around and wait. Okay sure, they intended [...] read more

JIM'S BIG EGO WRITES LOVE SONG

Thursday, January 9, 2003

"It hasn't been at all easy," admits Jim's Big Ego songwriter Jim Infantino.  "When you think about it, love is one of the most complex and mysterious compelling forces we know as humans.  We don't even know what it is that makes us love each other.  Is it evolutionary impulses to perpetuate the species?  Chemical responses in our brain to the subtle environmental influences of another person?  Or is it just 'cause we're really horny?  These are the sorts of questions that we thought an audience might enjoy hearing a song about.  Really, we're surprised that nobody's ever thought [...] read more

JIM'S BIG EGO APOLOGIZES TO CHINA

Wednesday, January 1, 2003

Explaining his intentions behind the anticipated statement, Jim's Big Ego front man Jim Infantino stated, "I don't want to die.  Really, neither do the other guys in the band.  And we figured that a war with China would just be one more way that we conceivably could die.  You see, China has many nuclear missiles, and if one of those nuclear missiles were to hit-for example-my house, and I were sitting inside my house at that time, then I would die.  And I don't want that.  I realize the odds are against an ICBM landing on my house, but [...] read more

Jim's Big Ego Promotes Self

Monday, November 30, -1

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Boston-based rock trio Jim's Big Ego is proud to announce the completion of their latest Press Release, which has been forwarded to all major media outlets.  “We're very excited about this new Press Release,” said songwriter and band leader Jim Infantino. “We expect it to be read by many reporters and editorial assistants and interns in newspapers and magazines world wide before it gets tossed in the trash.” Future plans for the Press Release also include being passed to friends and coworkers around the office, and being hung on walls by the fax machines alongside selected cartoons from [...] read more