'Cause Jim's Big Ego is in touch with their sentimental side.  And they wrote this song just so some people would understand how tender and caring Jim's Big Ego can be.  But then, check it out, last night there are these three incredible looking chicks in the front row.  Like, they're all over it, y'know?  And they're giving the band one of those looks.  You know the kind look I'm talking about, right?  The kind that says "if you want it, come and get it."  And believe you me, my friend, Jim's Big Ego wanted it.  But for some reason, no matter how hard the band worked it, it didn't look like anything was gonna happen.  Like maybe these chicks were just teases that go dance in front of gutiar driven rock trios just to drive them nuts.

And then comes the best part, 'cause all the guys in the band just looked at each other and were like "oh no, we're having none of this."  And they all knew what to do.  It was almost like they all had the same idea at the same time, y'know?  Like when you pick the phone up to call a friend and instead of a dial tone on the other end of the phone is that friend who's calling YOU at that same moment?  Man that's creepy when it happens.  It's like there's a blip in The Matrix or something, y'know what I mean?  Oh you know what I mean.  Yeah, follow the white rabbit, baby.

Anyway, so the band's on stage and they're getting all frustrated and suddenly they all have this killer idea at the same time.  Why not play the song?  So Jim, he's the lead singer, he gets up to the mike and looks straight at them and says "this next song is for some special people in the audience tonight" and then they starting playing the song just staring at the chicks, and like KAPOW!, those chicks were theirs for the taking.  I think one of them might even have had an orgasm right there on the spot.

Now don't get me wrong, Jim's Big Ego is not a band to kiss and tell.  But man, they did SO much more than kiss, y'know what I'm saying?  I'm saying they had sex!  Lots of it!  With women!  And it was cool...'cause it was sex!  Aww, yeah baby.  What's not cool about sex?  Nothing.  Nothing is not cool about sex.  Which is a double-negative, which makes it a positive.  And that's just what it was, positive positive sex.  And all thanks to that love song.

Jim's Big Ego plans to produce an entire cd of love songs for their next release.  And they plan to do it soon.

• Mister R.G., Minister of disinformation, BigEgog Publications, St. Louis, AK

But still, even though this guy shoots up a lot (and we mean A LOT) he still says "no" to the drugs first every time he takes them.  Like right after he cooks them up and before he shoots it in, he looks down at the needle and says "no."  And that's commitment.  Sure, it's misplaced and he doesn't really understand what we mean by "say 'no' to drugs," but you've gotta admit that he certainly keeps to the letter of the law, as it were.  And it's tough to blame him, because every time we tried to explain the "say 'no' to drugs" thing he was really stoned at the time.  Although in our defense, he's pretty much always stoned, so it was hard to find a good time to do it.
And we'd also like to let you know that in order to make up for their perpetually purple-hazed band-mate, the other two members of Jim's Big Ego don't do any drugs at all.  Like, seriously, nothing.  No pot, no booze, no aspirin.  Hell, they don't even use fluoride toothpaste.  They're trying to balance it out, and they figure that with the amount of drugs this other band member does, they've got a lot of balancing to do.  And when you come down to it, 2 out of the 3 Jim's Big Ego members say "no" to drugs.  And moreso than your average American-all those caffeine swilling, nicotine sucking, asthma inhaler puffing addicts out there.   And if they can say "4 out of 5 dentists" for thirty years, then we feel comfortable with "2 out of 3 members of Jim's Big Ego."  It may not be as high a percentage, but it's as good as we're gonna get.  'Cause there ain't no way that other guy's getting off the smack.  It's almost like he's addicted to it, or something.
We really shouldn't tell you who the addicted band member is, but let's just say that there are four letters in both the words "drug" and four letters in the word "bass."  And "drum" come to think of it.  Jim Infantino is the lead singer/songwriter/guitar player for Jim's Big Ego.
So there you have it.  Jim's Big Ego, 66% drug free.   And damned proud of it.

• Mr. R.G.  The Big Ego Bunker, Area 52, New Mexico

And then do you know when the guy finally showed up? Go ahead, take a guess. 5:58PM. Just two minutes early! I mean, at least if the guy showed up after 6 then they would've had the installation for free, but nothey didn't. - Cause of just two minutes. What the *censored* is that?!?

All right so it doesn't sound that bad, but let me explain. Jim's Big Ego is a busy band, right? They've got shows and tours and stuff, and they had to take time off special, just to sit around and wait. Okay sure, they intended to get some work done at home. Write some new songs or work out arrangements, that kinda stuff, but come on, you know how it goes. You get started and then you hear a noise so you stop and look out the window and then you get started again, and then you have to go and check to make sure the phone's still on the hook - cause nobody's called you yet to say "I'm sorry that I'm inconveniencing you so much, Jim's Big Ego," and then you try to work again, but by then it's time for dinner and as long as you're sitting around waiting you might as well take the time and cook something. And then, THEN, just as you've got the meat all marinated and ready to throw on the hibachi "ding dong, it's the cable man" and you have to drop everything and take care of the *censored*in' cable guy instead of your *censored*in' dinner even though by now you're really hungry and the marinade smells really good, but lord forbid you keep the cable guy waiting even though you're the paying customer!

So the point is that Jim's Big Ego waited around and wasted their time and they're pissed off about it. And can you blame them? They waited around for tv? TV! I mean, when you sit and wait for the phone guy you can at least say to yourself "well I definitely need to use the phone" - cause like, if you don't have a phone then you can't make phone calls and stuff. Sure people have cell phones, but it's still more important than the cable don't you think? Well Jim's Big Ego thinks so, but still, the band kept on waiting. Somewhere around hour three the band started to get philosophical, and that's when front man and songwriter Jim Infantino said stuff like "It really teaches you something about yourself, the fact that you would delay your life so much just to get TV. I mean, I don't even really like TV, but at this point I guess we do need it. Think about it, even if it's just CNN, people who don't like TV are always watching TV, y'know? It's really creepy when you start to think about just how much influence it has on our lives. And more imporatantly that asshole's like three hours late!" That pretty much marked the transition from philosophical to pissed.

Although, the good news is that Jim's Big Ego was able to get hooked up in time for the latest Real World marathon. Man, Cara's such a slut.

Mr. R.G., Minsistry of Propoganda, BigEgo Correctional Facillity, ToadSuck, AL