Fake News
JIM'S BIG EGO SAYS "NO" TO DRUGS
Friday, January 10, 2003
But still, even though this guy shoots up a lot (and we mean A LOT) he still says "no" to the drugs first every time he takes them. Like right after he cooks them up and before he shoots it in, he looks down at the needle and says "no." And that's commitment. Sure, it's misplaced and he doesn't really understand what we mean by "say 'no' to drugs," but you've gotta admit that he certainly keeps to the letter of the law, as it were. And it's tough to blame him, because every time we tried to explain the "say 'no' to drugs" thing he was really stoned at the time. Although in our defense, he's pretty much always stoned, so it was hard to find a good time to do it.
And we'd also like to let you know that in order to make up for their perpetually purple-hazed band-mate, the other two members of Jim's Big Ego don't do any drugs at all. Like, seriously, nothing. No pot, no booze, no aspirin. Hell, they don't even use fluoride toothpaste. They're trying to balance it out, and they figure that with the amount of drugs this other band member does, they've got a lot of balancing to do. And when you come down to it, 2 out of the 3 Jim's Big Ego members say "no" to drugs. And moreso than your average American-all those caffeine swilling, nicotine sucking, asthma inhaler puffing addicts out there. And if they can say "4 out of 5 dentists" for thirty years, then we feel comfortable with "2 out of 3 members of Jim's Big Ego." It may not be as high a percentage, but it's as good as we're gonna get. 'Cause there ain't no way that other guy's getting off the smack. It's almost like he's addicted to it, or something.
We really shouldn't tell you who the addicted band member is, but let's just say that there are four letters in both the words "drug" and four letters in the word "bass." And "drum" come to think of it. Jim Infantino is the lead singer/songwriter/guitar player for Jim's Big Ego.
So there you have it. Jim's Big Ego, 66% drug free. And damned proud of it.
And we'd also like to let you know that in order to make up for their perpetually purple-hazed band-mate, the other two members of Jim's Big Ego don't do any drugs at all. Like, seriously, nothing. No pot, no booze, no aspirin. Hell, they don't even use fluoride toothpaste. They're trying to balance it out, and they figure that with the amount of drugs this other band member does, they've got a lot of balancing to do. And when you come down to it, 2 out of the 3 Jim's Big Ego members say "no" to drugs. And moreso than your average American-all those caffeine swilling, nicotine sucking, asthma inhaler puffing addicts out there. And if they can say "4 out of 5 dentists" for thirty years, then we feel comfortable with "2 out of 3 members of Jim's Big Ego." It may not be as high a percentage, but it's as good as we're gonna get. 'Cause there ain't no way that other guy's getting off the smack. It's almost like he's addicted to it, or something.
We really shouldn't tell you who the addicted band member is, but let's just say that there are four letters in both the words "drug" and four letters in the word "bass." And "drum" come to think of it. Jim Infantino is the lead singer/songwriter/guitar player for Jim's Big Ego.
So there you have it. Jim's Big Ego, 66% drug free. And damned proud of it.
- Mr. R.G. The Big Ego Bunker, Area 52, New Mexico
